Today is the second day of celebrations of Dias de los Muertos; the beautiful Mexican celebration of those who have passed on, aka The Day of the Dead.
October 28 is the day set aside to honor those who have passed suddenly or tragically.
Trauma is so often part of a grief experience:
perhaps we are ‘advance grieving’ (known as anticipatory grieving) the loss of someone lost to Alzheimers or an illness that changes then beyond recognition before they even pass on
or our loved one’s death was traumatic - from a tragedy like from war, or suddenly from an accident or crime, or from a long-term, ravaging illness
or perhaps the loss itself has triggered old, unhealed trauma or there was so much unfinished business in the relationship that was never healed before the loss
or there is the inherent trauma of trying to find real support in a culture that doesn’t know how to hold space for dying, death, or grief
The ‘Hollywood’ version of dying at a ripe old age surrounded by all those you loved as you gently depart for the other side may not happen as much as we would like in the real world. Trauma shows up often in grief and supporters need trauma-informed training in any valid ethical grief support work. I am always honored to be able to help people with my deeply trauma-informed holistic protocol in grief work. Teasing out any trauma - and knowing when to refer to a doctor or therapist - so that it can be separated from grief is an essential part of helping people navigate grief in a healthy way and is a big part of The Mourning Goods Holistic Grief Support Certifications are about; helping people by meeting them where they are in their grief and loss.
A few easy support ideas for when trauma shows up:
Ground the body in slow, gentle movement
Slow down anxious energy and create presence and calm with very slow, paced breathwork like box breathing - inhale for a count of 6, hold for 6, exhale for a count of 6, or decelerating breaths that make your exhales twice as long as your inhales, go slow and keep it unforced
Turn to nature and grounding with bare feet on the earth or sitting up against a sturdy tree
Find your support animals and allow their unconditional love and support to enter your heart
Select talismans or transitional items [like a soft sweater, blanket, or stuffed toy] to offer soothing touch that anchors a feeling of a safe space
Rhythm has been shown to create regulation [balanced nervous system] tapping, drumming, gentle side to side steps in a slow rhythm help create a sense of presence and safety
Bilateral movements balance the two sides of the brain: swing your arms and cross the midline of the body in front of you or make big circles in the air with your arms - make sure to cross the midline of the body - you can even paint or draw large overlapping circles on a huge canvas
Always seek qualified help with trauma, PTSD, CPTSD, and anxiety
Remember to respect the beautiful cultural traditions of Dias de los Muertos and treat them with the honor they deserves. And always remember to treat others with the kindness they deserve. You truly never know what other people are going through.
With love and compassion for your losses, Pamela
#diasdelosmuertos #grief #trauma #loss #missyou #dayofthedead #dead #death #honor #offrenda
Photo of graveyard in Mexico during Dia de los Muertos celebrations by Christopher Rogel Blanquet
