Pet Loss Grief is Real Grief
French poet Anatole France said, “Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”
It is an honor and a privilege to sign on to love a pet or animal friend for their lifetime, be it long or short, knowing in our hearts that our commitment ultimately leads to the rainbow bridge. And until one has lost a Loved One one cannot understand or fathom the intensity and power of grief. It’s as though all the power of love and life has inverted and is now pulling us into a reality for which we have no map or guide. And often we are not prepared for the depth and duration of pain that loss brings, even if we have fair warning of a Loved One’s death.
PET LOSS GRIEF IS REAL GRIEF
Love is love and loss is loss. Pet loss is not ‘less than’ other forms of loss, it is just different, and it requires a different approach that honors the deep and loving connection we share with our pets. Pet Loss grief work is an underserved, and very specific, niche. Past, and much of current, grief work has been linear based and stuck in stages and pathology, mostly ignoring the human-pet bond. Everyone deserves a conscious way to navigate this major emotional passage in life with love and compassion.
Mourning and grieving over the loss of a pet can be especially challenging as it can be disenfranchised; minimized by others, and not universally acknowledged as a ‘real’, deep, profound, and heart connected loss. Grief over the loss of any pet can also mean dealing with having to decide when “it is time to say goodbye” causing [or triggering] trauma, deep guilt, intrusive thoughts, and the pain of second guessing our choices.
GRIEF BRINGS UP MORE THAN FEELINGS
Grief over the loss of any loved one can also create a host of issues that affect all aspects of life; physical symptoms, shock, lethargy, depression, feeling misunderstood, relationship issues, difficulty regulating emotions, feeling out of sync with others, hopelessness, ennui, lack of purpose, loneliness, isolation, despair, guilt, PTSD and trauma, intrusive thoughts, self blame, and more that can compound our loss and make even day to day functioning a challenge.
GRIEF NEEDS TO BE HONORED
When you’ve lost a beloved pet, it is imperative to find others who honor your loss, who validate your unique experience, allow you your feelings; those who hold a compassionate heartspace of love and connection, not a judgmental, problem oriented, or “replacement mentality”. Grief is universal and yet utterly personal. For as long as we have loved, we have grieved. Early humans buried their dead with funerary ritual, flowers, and artifacts to show their deep love and honor the loss of their Loved Ones, including animals.
GRIEF IS LOVE
Grief, ultimately, is a form of love. But in our modern, often detached, grief-illiterate society we must take extra care to make room for grief; to give it a voice and let it be seen, heard, felt, honored, and tended to, with loving care. We need to stop looking for set “stages” to adhere to and learn to take it slow and focus awareness on our individual needs and readjust our expectations of ourselves. Grief is new territory and the rules for our normal living do not apply. One of the biggest challenges of grieving in modern culture is the prevailing mindset of ‘fixing things’. But there is no fix. You don’t solve grief, it's not a problem and it’s not a pathology, or a mental illness. It is, in fact, one of the most natural things we will do as human beings. If you love, you will grieve - it’s part and parcel of the whole living, loving package; it’s part of being a complete and healthy human being. The reason you don’t fix - or even heal - grief is that your grief is the process of your healing from the loss of your Loved One. Your grief is an expression of your love and connection. Some call it the price of loving, and even though we know going in, still we choose to love.
Your connection with your beloved pet mattered. Your love for your pet matters. Your grief matters. 🩵
NEED SUPPORT?
Need help navigating your grief over the loss of your pet or animal friend? trauma-informed Holistic Grief Coach Pamela Ann Noxon is available for Pet Loss specific Holistic Grief Coaching.
