The Day of Honoring Our Angelitos who have passed
Doing something creative can be a lovely way to honor your Angelitos. Sprinkles Bakery offers a free tutorial on making your own sugar skulls for your ofrenda.
The day in Dios de las Muertos for honoring children who have died has a softer, quieter way of honoring love. Homemade altars carry toys, sweets, sugar skulls and white flowers. We all have a need for rituals, traditions, and habits that honor how we organize our world and the universe. Children better than anyone understand the power of a ritual. Saying goodnight to your stuffed animals, eating the exact same breakfast every day, using only a favorite plate or cup because it’s special having been infused with special meaning, going to the park on special days, the ritual of choosing your outfit for the day, celebrating birthdays and holidays with a full heart totally connected mind, body, heart, and spirit.
Rituals link us to the past and help us cope, connect us to those things greater than us, heal our lives, celebrate or raise up life’s major changes and turning points and allow us to examine all that they hold dear for us, move emotions, gather to find strength with others, find some meaning, and some peace. Rituals are a way to create sacred energetic boundaries within the universe. It’s a space you own and space you control with your spirit mind your heart and your presence. The term “ritual” sounds like an elaborate [or religious] task but can actually be quite personal, simple, and natural to be effective.
Losing a child is beyond comprehension to most people. All grief loss is unique and deserves real support. Traditions like the Dias de Los Muertos ofrenda [altar] bring the ritual of connection into your daily life, help keep you connected to the love, and the essence of your young loved one. In a way it keeps the best parts of them alive and connected to you.
An important aspect to all cultures’ rituals of connection with the dead is a generosity of spirit- sharing food with those who have none, offering sustenance and love and connection. When we connect we become bigger than ourselves and maybe just a little bit less alone. Be kind. Be respectful. Live your best life with honor given to those who are no longer with us in the physical. And always stay connected to the love.
Ways to Honor Young Loved Ones who have passed:
The ofrenda or home altar
Create any size or style of your own ‘ofrenda’, or home altar, for those who have passed. Put it in a place where you can honor and connect with them easily, tell them about your day, talk to them, and include them in your life.
Some basic altar elements:
a photograph of Loved Ones [human and pet]
candles
a vase with fresh flowers that feel like them - daisies or dandelions
some of their favorite foods
little mementos and keepsakes
special crystals or stones of items gathered from nature
little talismans - mini statues, icons, that resonate for you and them
any toys, stuffed animals, jewelry or keepsakes of theirs
items or images of things that they really loved
any artwork they may have created
photos of places that they loved
photos of people they loved or would want to watch over
Other ways to honor Young Loved Ones:
Adopt a pet to create more life and love in the world.
Doing something creative can be a lovely way to honor your Angelitos. Sprinkles Bakery [sugar skull photo by Sprinkles Bakery] offers a free tutorial on making your own sugar skulls for your ofrenda.
Create a special garden as a space to celebrate them, meditate, and connect with them.
Do a neighborhood library box or bench with at their favorite spot with their story posted.
Plant a tree - in a park with a plaque or just go to Nature Conservancy and plant a whole bunch of trees.
Name a star after them Star Registration.
Perform Random Acts of Kindness in their name; like paying for school lunches, or giving gifts, or donating to charities.
Write out their life story however brief and share with everyone the story of your Loved One.
Start a legacy for them; a scholarship, a regular table at a local restaurant with free food for people down on their luck, anything that fits who the were and what mattered to them.
Donate to charities that they would have appreciated when they got older [animal rescues, children’s charities, military families, Make a Wish, etc.].
Spend time with someone they loved and/or who loved them on a regular basis and share stories about them to keep their light going.
Have annual Birthday [or Thanoversary - the day they passed] parties [or any day that feels right] to celebrate them every year in a way that honors the best of them.
Create your own Book of Stories to gather happy or meaningful stories and pictures of a Loved One at any gathering. This can become a lovely new tradition: people take turns reading out loud from the story book each holiday or anniversary as you all add to it, to create a living project that celebrates their life. These stories can be passed down to future generations so they can know the love and the soul that mattered, even if they left far too soon.
Rituals can bring peace and connection after loss but they do not replace support with a trained counselor, coach, or therapist.
Here are a few resources if you or someone you know has lost a child and/or needs help supporting a grieving child…
The Dougy Center is the preeminent center for child loss, grief, families, all things related to children and grief. This special place was created by a nurse inspired by her time supporting Dougy, her young patient in hospice. The Dougy Center offers safe spaces and free resources for children and families who are grieving and pioneered support groups for children.
Bearing the Unbearable by Dr. Joanne Cacciatore a poignant, beautifully written book written by a top grief expert who experienced the loss of her own child.
The Unspeakable Loss a powerful book about loss of a child. A guide to hope and healing after the death of a child, from a grief counselor and psychotherapist who has been there.
